


Without Knowing the Way

by IStay77



Category: The Young and the Restless
Genre: F/F, Messa - Freeform, Teriah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-08-27 21:28:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16710361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IStay77/pseuds/IStay77
Summary: Picks up from when Mariah told Tessa she would move back in after finding out about the blackmail. In this story, Tessa left town before the morning Mariah moved back in. It's now 18 months later and Tessa Porter has released her first album and is embarking on her first tour. Hilary (who is still alive in my world) makes Mariah go to Chicago to interview her for GC Buzz. Will she be able to do her job AND keep her feelings out of it? Or are these two destined to be together?





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is PG for now.
> 
> I am on Twitter at @IStay77

“No, Hilary,” Mariah firmly said. “Get someone else to do it.”

“Mariah, get over yourself,” Hilary replied, walking around Mariah’s desk to stand in front of her. “This is a big news story for us and we have to cover it. Now, you are going to Chicago for the interview and concert and that’s final.” Looking up at her boss, Mariah sighed heavily as Hilary continued. “Oh wait, I know what’s going on,” she said, eyes narrowing. Although, the tone in her voice suggested that she was feigning her surprise. “You still love her?”

It was more of an accusation than a question and, judging by the look in Mariah’s eyes after Hilary said it, she hit the mark. “This whole thing is none of your business, Hilary. Tessa left more than a year ago. I’ve moved on.” Mariah calmly said as she stood up. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to lunch.” 

“Mariah,” Hilary said. “Don’t make me pull rank on you. Tessa just released what is predicted to be a very successful album and is starting a big tour in Chicago tomorrow night. That coupled with her stint here in GC makes her the hottest interview and YOU are going to be asking the questions. Besides,” she paused, smiling. “I already told her you were coming.”

“You did what?” Mariah exclaimed. “I can’t believe you!” She threw her hands up in the air.

“Yes, you can.” Hilary simply said. “Your itinerary is in your email and you might want to read the interview the Tribune did with her before you go.” 

Mariah, shocked but not entirely surprised at Hilary trying to manipulate the situation, watched her boss walk away and fell back into her chair defeated. What was she going to do? Seeing Tessa after all this time, after everything that happened? In spite of what she told Hillary, Mariah was definitely not over the musician. She felt a panic in her chest as she thought about what it would be like to lay eyes on the woman again. The walls started closing in as all of the implications ran through her mind. She could feel the panic setting in. Why did Tessa still have this much power over her?

Getting up from her desk, Mariah grabbed her bag and headed for the door. She couldn’t be in this office any longer.  
_________________  
Tessa Porter is a local musician who just may be about to hit it big. Her debut album, “Lessons,” was released last week and the industry has been buzzing about it ever since. I sat down with Ms. Porter to discuss her music, her inspiration, and her upcoming tour.

Chicago Tribune: Tessa thank you so much for joining me today. 

Tessa Porter: My pleasure.

CT: First, I wanted to congratulate you on “Lessons.” It’s really a remarkable collection of songs. Can you tell us something about how it all came about?

Tessa: I moved back to Chicago just over a year ago and decided to just throw myself into my music. I got back together with some other musicians I used to play with and I wrote day and night. All of these songs are honest and from my heart. 

CT: It seems like you really dug deep. Your songs are very relatable, but also very revealing. One, “Red,” felt so heartbreaking. What is that song about?

Tessa: “Red” is about mistakes that I’ve made in the past. It’s about trying to be a better person and having a reason to be a better person. I didn’t have the best home life growing up. It was abusive and I always had to fend for myself. I’m ashamed to say that led to me making some very big mistakes when I got out on my own. 

CT: Based on that song, I would say you have a lot of regrets?

Tessa: Not a lot, but one very big one. I can live with the things I’ve done because I know I’ve changed. But, there was one person I really hurt. Someone who meant the world to me and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that. That’s what’s at the core of “Red.” 

CT: Does this person know that song is about them?

Tessa: Oh, I don’t even know if they’ve heard it. They aren’t in my life anymore.

CT: You seem sad about that.

Tessa: The sadness and the heartbreak are what made this album. It’s literally a labor of love.

CT: Would you say making “Lessons” was cathartic then? 

Tessa: To an extent. It always helps to get those feelings out and deal with them. I think that’s why I love songwriting so much. It’s very therapeutic. But, you know, there are some things that you just never truly get over. All you can do is move forward and try to be the best person you can.

Mariah put down her tablet and pinched the bridge of her nose. She couldn’t read anymore. She knew Tessa was talking about her. What was the point of all this? Tessa had to have known she would read the interview. Was the musician saying she was still in love with her? Why was that something that made Mariah’s heart beat faster? They were over. They’d passed the point of no return. There was no going back.

“You look deep in thought,” Sharon said as she sat down opposite Mariah on the patio at Crimson Lights. Mariah looked at her and took a deep breath.

“I’m heading to Chicago tomorrow to interview Tessa,” she told her mom.

“What?” Sharon became visibly upset. “Well, do you think that’s wise? That woman lied to you and broke your heart!”

“I don’t know,” Mariah said, head falling down. “I don’t know what to do or think. Especially after reading this,” she gestured to the tablet sitting on the table. Sharon glanced down and saw that it was an interview with Tessa from the Chicago Tribune. “She is making it sound like she had regrets and still loves me, but she’s the one who left!” 

“Mariah,” reaching out to put a hand on her arm, Sharon continued. “I think you should get someone else to do it. Don’t put yourself in a situation to get hurt by her again.”

“It’s too late,” the redhead said. “Hilary already told Tessa I was coming and the whole thing has been paid for. I just,” she paused to rub her forehead while briefly shutting her eyes. “I don’t want her to think that I’m too scared to see her or that she can still get to me.”

“But, sweetheart,” Sharon said softly. “You and I both know that she can.” Mariah gave her an annoyed look. “Honey,” Sharon continued. “You do whatever you feel is best for you. Don’t worry about Hilary or Tessa. I will support whatever decision you make.”

“Well then,” Mariah said as she flipped the cover on her tablet closed and put it back in her bag. “Looks like I’m going to Chicago.”  
_______________________________

Across town, Hilary was at GC Buzz when her phone rang. Looking at the caller ID, she smiled and answered. “I was wondering if you were going to call,” she said. “Is everything set?”

“Yes,” the voice on the other end of the line said. “We’re all set here. I got her a room across the hall from our favorite musician and I made sure they’ll put her right in front of the stage tomorrow night.”

“Good,” Hilary sounded cheerful. “If this doesn’t force those two idiots back together then I give up.”


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mariah and Tessa come face-to-face after 18 months apart

Staring into the mirror, Tessa gave herself the once over for about the fifth time. This was absolutely crazy. In just a few hours, she would be playing at City Winery, a beautiful and intimate venue in Chicago. Granted, she was just the opening act, but this was still huge. The musician couldn’t calm her nerves, though, and she knew it had nothing to do with the show. It was Mariah. The love of her life was going to be there and she felt, well nervous wasn’t the right word. Sick? That may be closer.

Tessa hadn’t seen Mariah in a long time. Eighteen months to be exact. It felt like an eternity. Still, there was hope bubbling up in her chest. Hilary put it there. The talk show host had been in Chicago almost a month ago and ran into Tessa. The musician had been happy to see her, though surprised when she asked her to have drinks. She figured Hilary had an ulterior motive, which she did, but it turned out that ulterior motive wasn’t at all selfish. She wanted to get Tessa and Mariah back together.

Hilary had assured the musician that Mariah was still in love with her. _It’s all over her stupid face whenever you come up in conversation_ , she had said. Tessa argued that didn’t mean Mariah wanted to reconcile. She figured the redhead was probably still pretty mad at her and, even if love was still there, that didn’t mean there was a chance for them. Still, hope was creeping in.

Exiting the bathroom, Tessa walked back into the main room. She was staying at a hotel down the street from the venue. Since moving back to Chicago, the musician had been couch surfing with friends, though she most frequently stayed at Dominic’s. Dominic was a bass player who helped out on her album. He’s a good friend she’s known since she was 15. He suggested she stay at the hotel in case things with Mariah went really well. Laughing to herself, Tessa thought that would be an incredible long shot, but treating herself to a nice hotel stay still sounded like a good idea.

Checking her phone, Tessa saw she missed a call from her manager. Realizing she was a few minutes late for a sound check, the musician shot off a text saying she was on her way. She grabbed her guitar and made for the door when a voice outside in the hall made her stop in her tracks. Pausing, Tessa put down the guitar and looked out the peep hole just in time to see a flash of red hair walk by. The woman in the hall was talking on her cell phone while wheeling a suitcase behind her. She stopped at the room across the hall, put in the keycard, and opened the door. She turned just then and Tessa’s suspicions were confirmed. Mariah was staying at the same hotel! The love of her life was staying in the room across the hall from her!

Tessa’s heart began to beat wildly. She knew she was going to be seeing Mariah today, but she was not prepared for what actually seeing and hearing the redhead would do to her. Taking a deep breath, she waited for Mariah to enter her room and shut the door before she made a move to leave. She wanted to see Mariah. She wanted to see her desperately, but just knowing that the redhead showed up was enough for now. She had to get through the concert tonight before she would allow herself to freak out about it.

__________________________________

 

Mariah had been at City Winery for only about 10 minutes and her nerves had yet to calm down. The small camera crew she brought with her was setting up so they could have some shots from the concert for the show tomorrow. The venue was a big open room with tables and chairs separate from the rest of the business, which was a winery and restaurant. In spite of the size, it gave off an intimate vibe. The stage was low, so whoever was performing would feel like they were in among the crowd. It wasn’t a fancy place, but it was more upscale than any of the places Tessa had performed at before. People were already arriving for the show, finding their tables, and ordering drinks.

The staff had set Mariah up with a table almost directly in front of the stage. She had asked to be moved, but the show was sold out and every other table was reserved. Not sure if she could handle being this close to Tessa for her entire set, the redhead ordered a glass of red wine and tried to just relax and breathe. Her mind wandered back to that day 18 months ago.

_Mariah stood in front of Tessa’s apartment door, suitcase next to her, and took a deep breath as she knocked. She had told Tessa last night she would move back in, though it was the last thing she wanted to do. She was conning Tessa, and that didn’t feel great, but nothing felt good anymore._

_Knocking again, the redhead thought back to the previous night when Tessa gave her the flash drive with the footage on it. If she believed that was the only copy she wouldn’t be doing this, but she had to be sure. She simply couldn’t trust Tessa any longer. Hopefully, she wouldn’t have to keep up with this façade for long._

_Tessa still wasn’t answering the door, so Mariah got out her keys to let herself in. “Tessa,” she said as she entered the small apartment. All the lights were off. Flipping the light switch, Mariah looked around before her eyes settled on the coffee table and something that was sitting on it. Walking over, she noticed a note and another flash drive along with Tessa’s black duffel bag sitting on the floor next to the table. Sitting down on the couch, Mariah picked up the note and read it._

_Mariah,_

_Words will never be able to express the regret I have about lying to you. Breaking your trust is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. But, I don’t regret that it kept you safe and that it kept Crystal safe. I only regret the pain it caused you. More importantly, I regret what it drove you to do._

_I know you told Sharon what I did. I know you came back to me on false pretenses. I know I have no right to be hurt by that._

_This is the last of the footage. I promise, on my love for you, there are no more copies. Take it and destroy it or do whatever you feel is necessary. You’ll find all of the money, minus the 20K, in the duffel bag. Donate it to a worthy cause. I’ll always love you, Mariah. You will always be my biggest joy and biggest regret. The memories I have of us will stay with me until the day I die. I know I will never love again._

_Yours Always,_

_Tessa_

_Mariah read the note a second time. Tessa was gone. She left. In spite of all that had happened and the trust that had been broken, the redhead felt tears begin to form. Instead of fighting it, she let them come. Sobbing on the couch, Mariah wrapped herself in the ugly green throw blanket. A week ago she was on top of the world. Now? Now she just wanted to find a hole to hide in._

Finishing her first glass of wine, Mariah noticed the place was filling up fast. She tried to focus, but the butterflies in her stomach were making that hard. She was about to see Tessa. Any minute now, the woman who broke her heart was going to walk out onto the stage in front of her. _Oh god_ , she thought to herself. _What am I doing here? I don’t need to be here for this. I can just watch the footage later and wait until the interview tomorrow to see her. Yeah, that’s what I’m going to do._

Just as Mariah had made up her mind to leave, the lights dimmed and someone came out from behind the curtain. People started clapping and she could see the outline of someone holding a guitar and stepping up to the mic. Her eyes now adjusted to the dark, Mariah could tell exactly who it was. It was Tessa. The redhead’s stomach bottomed out and her entire body felt ridiculously light at seeing the other woman. God, she did still love her.

The crowd noise died down a bit as Tessa started to play. Her first song was “With Me” and all of the old memories came flooding back to Mariah. She took in the musician, the way she held her guitar, the way her eyes closed when she sang, and the way she moved to the music. Everything Mariah had been trying to forget for the past 18 months was right back in the forefront of her mind. Her love for Tessa, the betrayal and lies, the note she left behind. Mariah felt sad, angry, and happy all at the same time.

The song ended and the crowd clapped. Mariah also found herself clapping, although she was pretty sure she had no control over her actions. She felt like she was on auto pilot and everything around her was moving so fast she couldn’t focus. In reality, it was only her mind that was spinning. She wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of emotions that seeing Tessa had brought up. Plus, she was pretty sure the darker haired woman hadn’t even noticed her yet and that was making her anxious.

“Thank you very much!” Tessa said to the crowd when the song was over and the cheering died down. “I’m so nervous,” she said as the audience chuckled. “I’ve been waiting for tonight for a long time and I am so happy to see all of your faces.” Tessa fiddled with the strings on her guitar, tuning them as she spoke. “This next song is for someone very important to me.” Glancing in Mariah’s direction, Tessa began to play her new song, “Red.”

_Well, I guess she knows I’m here_ , Mariah thought to herself. She had listened to Tessa’s new album on the drive down to Chicago and had been anxious to hear the song “Red” because of how Tessa talked about it in the Tribune article. Mariah was pretty sure the song was about her and she was right. She cried listening to it in the car, but she didn’t want to cry now. It was sheer will power that stopped her from crying now.

Tessa played for about an hour. Her bass player, Dominic, came out to play and do background vocals on a few songs, but otherwise it was just Tessa and her guitar. She was clearly in her element. She looked so confident up there, though Mariah knew she was probably faking the confidence. Tessa tended to tap a foot to the beat more often when she was nervous and her foot was tapping for the whole set.

When Tessa walked off the stage at the end of her set and the lights came back up, Mariah decided she desperately needed another glass of wine. She hadn’t planned on staying for the main act, so she didn’t feel guilty about leaving. After briefly talking to the camera crew, Mariah decided to head to the main bar in the venue for a drink before heading back to the hotel. She had been sitting at the bar for about 15 minutes when she felt a presence behind her.

“Buy you a drink?” the familiar voice said, instantly causing Mariah to jump. “I’m so sorry,” Tessa said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Oh no, it’s,” Mariah was having trouble finding the words now that she was face to face with the woman who broke her heart. “Fine. It’s fine.” Tessa was smiling at her and she was beginning to feel weak in the knees. How had she so incredibly underestimated the affect seeing Tessa after all this time would have? “Ah, but this drink is already paid for,” she finished.

Tessa gestured to the empty seat next to the redhead and, when she received an affirmative nod, she sat down. “I’m happy that you came.”

“Why is that?”Mariah asked, glancing sideways at her, but not completely facing her.

“Because we still have a lot of things unsaid.”

Mariah downed the rest of her wine before looking at the musician. “If that’s true then why did you leave?” she snapped. Tessa had been expecting a little clap back, so she wasn’t too surprised at Mariah’s tone. Still, seeing that look of hurt and betrayal in the redhead’s eyes was a lot. In her mind, Tessa kept replaying Hilary’s words to her from a month ago. Mariah still loves you. Searching the shorter woman’s eyes now, Tessa could feel it was true. At least, she hoped she wasn’t seeing things that weren’t there.

“Do you wanna go some place more quiet? Maybe talk a little?” the musician said, hopefully. Bad idea, Mariah thought. But, the wine was already going to her head and she was beginning to fall into that warm place where she keeps her feelings, a place she has tried for 18 months to lock away. She nodded and gestured for Tessa to lead the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> City Winery is a real venue in Chicago. I've been there once, but I'm sure my descriptions weren't all that accurate. Here's their website if you want to know more about it https://citywinery.com/chicago/


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mariah and Tessa have that long-awaited talk

Tessa led them to an outdoor patio only accessible to the acts that perform at the venue. It featured a fire pit and several tables and chairs. Since the main act was on stage now, the small area was deserted and quiet. Tessa sat in a chair facing the fire. Mariah hesitated for a moment before sitting in a chair next to her. Both women kept their focus on the fire in front of them.

“I’m sorry I left the way I did,” Tessa started. She had rehearsed everything she wanted to say to Mariah, although it was difficult in the moment to remember everything. Her heart was racing. Going on stage and performing in front of a sold out crowd wasn’t even as nerve-wracking as this was. The whole situation felt so fragile. Tessa was afraid she was going to ruin everything by saying the wrong thing.

“How did you know?” Mariah asked then, her focus staying on the flames in front of her. “That I was…” she couldn’t find the right words to finish her thought.

“How did I know that you were lying when you came back to me?” Tessa finished for her.

“Yeah,” Mariah said, eyes down looking at her hands.

“Mariah,” Tessa began, head shaking slightly. “I knew it the moment you came back. At first, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure, but the second I looked into your eyes I knew you were conning me.” Standing up, Tessa moved closer to the fire. “I will always regret lying to you, the blackmail, all of it. But,” turning to face the redhead, Tessa’s eyes glistened. “I will never forgive myself for forcing you into that position.”

Silence hung between them as Mariah looked up into dark eyes. A tear made its way down Tessa’s cheek. “What am I doing here, Tessa?” the talk show host asked. “Did you ask Hilary to give me this assignment?”

“No,” the musician responded. “Hilary showed up at the recording studio a month ago saying how excited she was to see me and how much she wanted to promote my album. I didn’t know she was sending you to do the interview until a couple of days ago. Although, I suppose I should have expected it.”

“Why is that?” Mariah asked, watching as Tessa turned back to face the fire.

“She said we belong together, that you still loved me, and that she needed to know if I still loved you.” Mariah felt the sting of tears as she stared at Tessa’s back. The dark haired woman’s voice was thick with regret and sadness. “I honestly didn’t think you’d show up.”

“I’m not entirely sure why I did,” Mariah stated, looking down at her hands now. “Curiosity, maybe? I don’t…I don’t know.” She shook her head and looked up as Tessa turned away from the fire.

“I ran,” Tessa stated sadly. “I ran because it’s what I do when things get hard. But, I shouldn’t have. I owed you an explanation, Mariah, and I am so sorry.”

“Maybe this talk is long overdue?” The redhead pointed at the empty chair Tessa had been occupying earlier. Tessa, smiling sadly, sat down and faced Mariah.

“I told you that I regret the things that I did, but in all honesty, that’s not entirely true.” The musician started. “Those men I needed to pay would have hurt you or Crystal. They had already attacked me and continued to threaten me every day until they got paid. What I did, however wrong, kept you and my sister safe. I will never regret that part.”

“I know,” Mariah said. “Tessa, all I’ve been doing for the past 18 months is thinking about your reasons for doing what you did.” Shaking her head, Mariah looked down before looking back up into dark eyes. “I understand all of it,” she said firmly, making sure the musician was listening. “And, yes, I wish you hadn’t blackmailed my mother to go about keeping us safe, but I understand. Tessa,” Mariah leaned forward and held eye contact. “It’s over now and I forgive you.”

“You do?” The musician was speechless.

“Yes,” Mariah said simply. “And I understand why you ran. Don’t forget, we have very similar pasts. I just…” she looked back into the fire. “I guess I thought you loved me enough to stay.”

“That’s not fair,” Tessa responded, leaning forward in her chair with her elbows on her knees. “The walls were closing in on me, Mariah. I knew you told Sharon, which meant that the rest of them were going to come after me eventually. That and, knowing that you were lying to me about your feelings when you came back, I just couldn’t.” Tessa put her head in her hands.

Mariah wanted to reach out and comfort Tessa. But, just like not crying during the show, not comforting Tessa took all the will power she could muster. “That was wrong of me,” Mariah admitted finally. “I was still processing,” she tried to explain. “I felt so betrayed. You knew about my trust issues because you had them, too.” Tessa nodded at that. “But, the more time that passed, the more I realized two wrongs don’t make a right. I should never have lied to you. I should have taken the time to think everything over. I should have…” Mariah stopped herself from finishing the sentence.

“You should have what?” Tessa asked. Silence hung over them.

“I’m just, sorry.” Mariah finally said. They looked at each other then, the crackling of the fire the only sound. “You were really good up there tonight,” the redhead said, nodding her head towards the club. “I mean, you must have been really nervous, but you seemed pretty confident.”

“Thanks,” the musician replied. “But, I thought our interview was tomorrow?” Mariah laughed a little at that. She had changed the subject rather suddenly.

“Yeah I guess I wanted to get a jump on it,” she lied. “And maybe I was trying to change the subject.” Hands in her lap, Mariah looked down. Tessa leaned closer in her chair and looked at Mariah until she looked back.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Tessa told her softly. “But, I’ve also been waiting 18 months to tell you this.” She paused and looked deeply into Mariah’s eyes, causing the redhead’s breath to catch in her throat. “I love you, Mariah,” she confessed, unshed tears gathering in her eyes. “I have no right to ask you for another chance, but that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’ve spent every second of the past year and a half working on being the kind of person you deserve. I think about you every day and every night until it feels like my heart is in a vice. Every song on my album is a love song to you. The music? This tour? Mean nothing to me. You are the one who puts the song in my heart.” Mariah just looked at her, her own eyes filling with tears, her own heart racing. She wanted to reach out, to hold Tessa and tell her she loved her, too. It would be so easy.

“What I need to know from you, Mariah,” Tessa continued, “is if there’s still a chance for us. If you don’t want to be with me, or you need time to figure it out, that’s fine,” she said. “I can wait. I can also take a hike. I just want you to know that I will honor your wishes, whatever they are, and I will never lie to you again.”

“Never is a long time,” Mariah said, softly. She broke eye contact with Tessa and stood, rubbing her hands together as if it would help her come up with the right words. “I don’t know if I can go back, Tessa.”

It was quiet for a beat as both women absorbed the conversation. The musician felt a knife in her heart as her hopes started to deflate. Maybe Hilary had been wrong? No, she could still see love in Mariah’s eyes. She was just scared to be hurt again.

“Do you still love me?” Tessa took a chance. If the answer was yes, she could deal with giving Mariah however much time she needed. She stared at Mariah’s back as she waited for an answer. When Mariah turned around, her face said it all.

“Tessa, it doesn’t matter,” she said. “Trust has been broken. I don’t know if we’ll ever get that back.”

“Okay,” the musician said, sadly. “Then how about we start fresh, as friends, rebuild the trust. Mariah, I miss you in my life.” This was not how Tessa wanted it to go, but she knew if she could keep Mariah in her life the redhead may eventually come around.

Mariah pondered it for a few moments before reaching out her hand to Tessa. “Hi, I’m Mariah,” she said. Smirking, Tessa took the offered hand. “Nice to meet you, Mariah,” she said, her smile bright. “I’m Tessa.”

They both laughed then. Hearts were still racing, butterflies were still fluttering, but a new sense of purpose was beginning. Leading up to tonight, Tessa was sure it would go one of two ways, but she hadn’t expected this third option. She wasn’t accepted, or rejected, but something in between. Still, this felt safe. It felt like a new beginning. It felt like it would lead somewhere.

Mariah and Tessa ended up talking for several more hours. They updated each other on everything they had been up to for the past year and a half. Mariah told Tessa all about Faith’s school play in which she had the lead and Tessa updated Mariah on Crystal’s life in Canada. The musician talked about the odd jobs she had taken to pay for the studio time and the different friends she’s bunked with over the past 18 months. They talked and laughed and it felt like old times.

Eventually, the venue was closing and the pair realized their night was coming to an end.

“I can’t believe we’ve been out here this long,” Mariah remarked, looking at her phone and fighting back a yawn.

“Yeah, tomorrow morning is going to come real quick,” Tessa said, remembering they still had a live interview to do. They both stood up then and made their way back through the venue and onto the sidewalk in front.

“I’m uh,” Mariah said, pointing over her shoulder. “I’m this way.” “Oh, me too,” Tessa said. They started walking toward the hotel, although Mariah had no idea Tessa had a room there, too. They were quiet on the walk, both lost in their own thoughts. Mariah was thinking about how much she wanted Tessa to take her hand. Tessa was trying to think of a way to make the walk last longer. Eventually, they ended up in front of the hotel.

“Sooo, I guess this is goodnight,” Mariah said as they stood in front of the entrance. She was thinking and feeling so many things at the moment it was hard to pick just one to focus on. This morning she had been dreading this trip to Chicago. Now, she felt almost optimistic. It felt good to be in Tessa’s presence again. No, good wasn’t the word. It felt right. Eighteen months of no contact, not a word, and in just a few hours Mariah was already back to being head over heels in love. Her brain kept telling her to be cautious. She had meant it when she told Tessa she didn’t know if she could go back, if they could get back to where they were before it all imploded. But, damn it, she wanted to find out.

“Oddly enough,” Tessa said, “this is also my stop.” She held up the key card to her room. “I didn’t know you were staying here when I got the room,” she explained at Mariah’s questioning look. “I can find someplace else...”

“No!” Mariah interrupted, a little too abruptly. “Um, I just mean that would be ridiculous. I think I can handle you being in the same hotel as me.”

“What about the same floor?” the musician asked. Taking a deep breath, Tessa explained, “I was in my room earlier and about to leave when I saw you. I swear I had no idea you were even staying here. I wasn’t even going to stay here, but Dominic…” Tessa paused then in realization, a knowing smile on her face as she shook her head.

“What?” Mariah asked.

“I just realized that we’ve been set up,” the taller woman said. Mariah’s brow creased in confusion. “Dominic must be working with Hilary. They were on the phone together the other day, but I thought they were just finalizing interview details.”

“Instead they were setting us up with adjacent hotel rooms.” Mariah stated. “Well at least Hilary is consistent in her meddling. Actually, I’m surprised they didn’t arrange for us to be in the same room.” Shaking her head in defeat, Mariah motioned to the doors. “After you,” she said.

The pair entered the hotel and went straight to the elevators. They were quiet now, both thinking, both trying to figure out what the other was thinking. Once inside the elevator, the silence continued. Tessa wanted to reach out and hold Mariah’s hand, but she knew it was too soon for that. Little did she know, Mariah’s own thoughts were circling around how much she wished Tessa would reach for her. _It would complicate things_ , Mariah thought. _Better that we keep a distance_.

When the elevator doors opened, the two women entered the hallway together. “I uh,” Tessa began as they walked. “I’m still not used to places this nice.”

“Well, it sounds like that may be changing very soon,” the shorter woman commented. “Your career is just about to take off.”

“Oh, is that so?” Tessa said as they rounded a corner. Their rooms, though across from each other, were far down the hall from the bank of elevators.

“That’s what they’re saying,” Mariah teased. It brought much needed levity to their situation and the tension that followed them up the elevator started to disappear. “I mean, if you believe the critics.”

“Oh, critics can be tricky. Talk show hosts, too,” Tessa teased back. Mariah looked over at her then, feigning shock. It was scary how easily they’d fallen back into the rhythm they’d once had. It made both women feel comforted.

“Well, this is me,” Mariah said, coming to a stop in front of her door.

“And I’m just right over there,” Tessa pointed to the room across the hall. They stood there for a few seconds, neither one saying anything. Just as the silence was getting awkward, the musician spoke. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Bright and early,” Mariah laughed nervously. “Goodnight, Tessa,” she said.

Looking into each other’s eyes one last time for the night, Tessa nodded. “Goodnight, Mariah.”

The musician went to her room and put her keycard in the slot. Turning back, she saw the redhead doing the same. Their eyes met one more time before they both walked into their separate rooms and shut their doors.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mariah makes a decision
> 
> I've changed the rating of this story to "mature"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @IStay77 on Twitter

This was ridiculous, Mariah thought, standing in the middle of her hotel room. She had said goodnight to Tessa in the hallway, entered the room, and let the door shut behind her. Then she just…stood there. Her mind and heart were simultaneously processing. Getting back together with Tessa would be a mistake, even if Tessa still makes her heart skip a beat, right? Right. Too much had happened. She would just go to bed, do the interview in the morning, go home and not look back. Ugh.

On the other hand, the feelings were definitely still there for both of them. Tessa was contrite and Mariah was also regretful of the things she did. They spent 18 months apart. That was plenty of time to think and figure out what they wanted. And Tessa still wanted her. Mariah had been alone for the past year and a half, never dating or even thinking about dating. She knew that was because her heart belonged to Tessa.

But, what if Tessa hadn’t changed? What if they fell back into the same patterns and it all went to hell again? Of course, there’s no way of knowing what would happen unless she actually went for it. For Mariah, it ended up all coming down to one thing.

Could she trust Tessa?

“Oh my God,” she said out loud to herself in the otherwise empty hotel room. “What am I doing?”

Determined, Mariah turned and opened the door to her room, stepping back into the hallway. She crossed the hall to Tessa’s room, wringing her hands along the way. Standing in front of Tessa’s door, the redhead took a deep breath and knocked.

Tessa was still dressed when she opened the door and saw Mariah, eyes wet with tears, nervously standing in the hallway. “Mariah? What? Are you…come in, come in!” Tessa waved her arms and ushered the shorter woman in, shutting the door behind them. “Are you alright?” she asked, concern in her voice, as she gently placed her hand on Mariah’s arm. The redhead looked down at Tessa’s hand and turned to walk further into the room.

“Um, well no, I mean yes,” the redhead replied, not facing her.

“Well, you seem upset and nervous.” Tessa took a step closer.

“Oh?” Mariah’s voice was a little higher than normal. “Do I?”

“You’re wringing your hands together and your voice just jumped an octave. What’s going on?” the musician sat down on the bed while gesturing with her hands, smiling slightly at how she still knows the redhead. She was hoping Mariah was about to tell her she wanted to get back together. When the redhead turned and looked down at her, she swallowed nervously.

“I want to be with you.” she blurted out. Her eyes briefly going wide as she realized she actually said it. This was it, Mariah, cards on the table. Oh God, she’s not saying anything! She’s standing up. Why is she standing up?

“Are you serious?” the musician said, face scrunching up in frustration. She seemed a little angry, which caught Mariah completely off guard. She felt her stomach drop. Or, maybe that was her heart breaking into a million pieces. No, it was still beating super fast.

“Wait, I thought you said you wanted to be with me?” Mariah asked, confused. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

“Yeah, BE with you as in be your girlfriend, not some one-night stand!” Tessa was raising her voice. Mariah looked horrified. “I won’t have a one-night stand with my ex. I think I have a little more dignity than that, Mariah!” Raising her arms up for emphasis, Tessa let them loudly drop to her sides.

“Wait,” Mariah said. She thinks that I want to have no strings sex? Oh my God, how is this going THIS badly? Brushing tears from her eyes, she smiled and shook her head a little.

“That’s not what,” now the hand wringing again! “I didn’t mean that I wanted to have sex. I mean, not tonight. Well, not until we’ve fixed this miscommunication. Not, we don’t…” Mariah sighed and looked down in defeat. She was flustered. Tessa found it cute. The taller woman understood now.

“What did you mean then?” She smirked, crossing her arms in front of her. Mariah felt her heart begin to pound again and she felt her knees shaking just a little. Just say it, Mariah!

“I mean I want us,” she gestured to the space between them, “to try again. I want a fresh start, a clean slate. Tessa, I thought time apart would make my love for you fade, but it’s only made it stronger. I…I just have to feel when it comes to you. I have hated every day without you. There’s no sun, Tessa.” Both girls were crying now. Tessa had brought her hands up to her face, covering her nose and mouth as though that would hold her emotions in.

“There isn’t any rain either,” Mariah continued. “I remember how much you love the smell of it. I can’t stand to be outside in the rain anymore. I don’t like taking that short cut through the park past the spot where you used to play guitar. I don’t even like going into Crimson Lights.”

“Mariah,” Tessa’s voice broke.

“Wait,” Mariah interrupted. “Let me just say one more thing,” she took a deep breath and reached for Tessa’s hands. Looking deep into her eyes, Mariah said, “I am so sorry for going along with Nikki’s plan to play you. Tessa, the moment I agreed to it I knew it was wrong. I was going to come clean, but you had already left. I had no idea where you went,” tears were falling freely now from both women. Mariah reached up and wiped a tear away from Tessa’s face. “I understand why you did everything that you did. But, what I did,” ashamed, Mariah looked down at her feet. “What I did was unforgivable.”

Tessa reached up to cup Mariah’s face, thumb gently brushing at the tears she found there. “We both messed up, Mariah, but I do forgive you.”

“Then why did you leave? Why did you not tell me where you were for more than a year?” Mariah searched the musician’s eyes.

Releasing the shorter woman’s face, Tessa just stood there facing her. “Because look what I made you do! Look what my actions drove you to!” Turning her back to Mariah, Tessa walked over to the window.

“All I wanted to do was protect you. Instead, I drove you to do something you’re ashamed of. You are such a good person, Mariah, and I made you question that. That’s what’s really unforgivable.” Looking out at the city lights, the musician wiped at a tear that fell down her cheek. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Tessa, we can’t move forward until we put this behind us and I want nothing more than to move forward,” Mariah closed the distance, staring at the back of Tessa’s head. “I forgive you, Tessa. I still love you, and,” she choked out, “I need you.”

Tessa turned to face the redhead. She took in her appearance, her puffy eyes, and the love that still shone there. “I love you, too,” she whispered, reaching forward for Mariah’s hips to pull her closer. Instantly, their lips met. The pair kissed then, a series of long kisses followed by quicker pecks. Mariah’s hands framed Tessa’s face tenderly.

“And I need you, too.” The taller woman said, pulling back to look into tear-stained eyes. “Is this real?” Tessa cried.

Smiling through her tears, Mariah sniffled. “Yes, baby, it is.” Tessa smiled at the pet name as she leaned down to capture the redhead’s lips. When she felt a tongue asking for entrance, the musician moaned loudly and met it with her own. The kiss was quickly turning passionate. Hands were starting to roam over sides and hips. Arms were pulling each other closer. Neither woman could get close enough.

Tessa began directing them towards the bed. When Mariah felt the mattress hit the back of her knees, she broke the kiss, gently spun them, and pushed the taller woman back onto the bed. Mariah climbed on top of her then, straddling her hips, and leaning down for a bruising kiss.

Tessa met Mariah’s lips with equal fervor. This was really happening. My God, Mariah felt SO good. Her hands roamed over the redhead’s frame, reacquainting herself. Tongues were sliding together, articles of clothing were being tossed across the room, walls built up were being torn down. Mariah was doing what she always did around Tessa, she was feeling. The redhead was feeling everything. Her fingers travelled over Tessa’s body. She felt hips and thighs, arms and breasts. It was also more than just physical. Mariah felt warmth and fire, comfort and desire. Her heart swelled, her lungs took in oxygen for what felt like the first time, her soul felt like it was home at last. This was living. This was life.

There was a life Mariah had wanted with Tessa. She had imagined it many times. During their time apart, Mariah had shoved all of that out of her mind. But, now those thoughts were back and she realized they never really left. There was a reason she hadn’t dated during their time apart. There was a reason she had never been able to truly give her heart to anyone else.

“You’ve always had my heart,” Mariah stopped to look down at the musician. “You know that, right?” Tessa looked up at her, naked and flush with desire, breathing labored. She reached up to the shorter woman’s face, framing it as she brushed away wild strands of red hair. “It’s always been you,” the redhead finished.

Tears quickly flooded Tessa’s eyes and she was struck speechless. She felt all of the same things that Mariah did, but at this very second, she couldn’t put any of that into words. “Ditto,” she simply said, with a smile on her face that could light up the entire sky. She brought Mariah’s face back down to hers, intent on sealing the declaration with a kiss. But, before their lips met, their eyes did. Mariah’s breath hitched at the depth of emotion she saw staring back at her. This was her Tessa and they were going to be okay.

 

 

 


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning. Sorry, I suck at summaries. The rating for this story has been changed to explicit.

 

Tessa was having the most wonderful dream. She was lying in a chair on the beach listening to the waves crashing in. Turning to her right, she saw the object of her desire. Mariah was sitting in the chair beside her reading a book, floppy hat on her head to protect it from the sun. Tessa couldn’t help but smile. They had come so far.

“Did you put enough sunscreen on?” she asked the redhead. “I don’t want you getting burned.” Tessa remembered the last time Mariah, so fair skinned, hadn’t put enough sunscreen on. She couldn’t touch her for several days because of the pain.

“Just you worry about yourself,” Mariah said to her, teasing. “I have plans for you tonight and a sunburn would really put a damper on things.”

Tessa smiled her thousand watt smile as Mariah winked suggestively. God, this was perfect. Everything was working out the way she wanted it to. Hearing a ringing, Tessa reached into her bag to grab her phone. Realizing it wasn’t her phone that was ringing, she looked at Mariah again.

“Is that your phone?”

Mariah didn’t respond, she just kept reading.

“Earth to Mariah,” she teased. The ringing was getting louder. She looked out across the ocean, puzzled.

“Yeah, no I overslept,” she heard Mariah say. But, the redhead’s lips weren’t moving. This is weird, Tessa thought as she slowly came to realize she was having a dream.

“That’s not going to be a problem,” Mariah said. “I’m pretty sure she’s going to be late, too.”

Tessa felt the last remnants of her dream disappear as she opened her eyes. She was in bed, in a hotel room, and Mariah was lying beside her. They were both naked.

“What do you mean we can reschedule? I thought this was for today’s live show?” Mariah sounded confused. Tessa rolled over to look at her. God, she missed seeing Mariah in the morning. Her disheveled red hair was so sexy, especially knowing how it got disheveled in the first place. Tessa quickly and discreetly pinched herself to confirm that this wasn’t a dream.

“When I get back, we are going to talk about you meddling in my personal affairs,” Mariah said into the phone, trying to sound serious. “For now though,” she paused. “Thank you, Hilary, for knowing what I needed more than I did.” Hanging up the phone, Mariah scooted closer to Tessa, wrapping an arm around her so her fingers could gently make patterns on her back.

“Good morning,” Tessa said, leaning up to steal a kiss.

“Hi,” Mariah ducked her head.

“Why are you being shy all of a sudden?” Tessa asked, touching her face.

“I don’t know,” Mariah took a deep breath. “I’m just happy. Happier than I’ve been in a long time.”

“Me too,” Tessa responded, bringing their lips together again. “Did we oversleep?”

“Yes, but don’t worry,” Mariah told her. “Because as it turns out, this whole thing was one big setup.” She reached up to push a strand of Tessa’s hair behind her ear. “They’re using the footage from last night on the show today, but apparently the live interview was never needed. She already had a guest booked.”

“Wow,” Tessa said, linking her fingers with Mariah’s, thumb rubbing circles on the soft skin of her hand. “That was pretty elaborate, even for Hilary. I guess I have to thank her when we get back.” Mariah made a face and her eyes fell. “What?” Tessa asked. “Did I say something wrong?”

“What happens now, Tessa?” Mariah asked, looking back up at her. “You don’t live in Genoa City anymore, but that’s where my life is.”

“Mariah, you are my home. I’m moving back to GC,” Tessa said, without hesitation.

“But, Chicago is so much bigger with so many more opportunities for you. I can’t ask you to give that up?”

“Are you kidding me?” Tessa’s hand cupped Mariah’s face and she held her gaze. “I don’t need to be in Chicago to write music or perform it, Mariah. Chicago is just a few hours’ drive from GC. If I need to come back for shows or to record with the band, I can. But, you are my home, so wherever you are is where I am.”

Mariah felt the sting of tears as she nodded. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure,” Tessa leaned in to kiss her.

Taking a deep breath, Mariah waited for her inner monologue to tell her to be cautious, to protect herself against getting hurt again. But, there was no voice in the back of her head this time.

“I will start looking for apartments the second I get back,” she said.

“Yeah?” Tessa quirked an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Mariah said, stealing another kiss. “I want you with me day and night.”

“Are you sure? Because, I don’t want you to feel rushed into living together after how well it went last time.”

“That’s in the past, Tessa,” Mariah said. “We are moving forward,” she stole a kiss. “Together,” another kiss. “And I don’t want to waste any more time.” The next kiss lasted more than a few seconds.

“Mmmm,” Tessa hummed, pulling back from her lips. “I’m going to have to send Hilary a gift basket.”

“Yeah,” Mariah said, leaning in again. “A really big gift basket.” She captured Tessa’s lips and immediately deepened the kiss. Gently pushing her back, Mariah ran her hands over Tessa’s naked body, memorizing everything that she felt.  Tipping Tessa’s head back, she planted a series of kisses down her throat and across her collarbone, hand moving down her side to her hip. Tessa moaned and wrapped her leg over Mariah’s hips, opening herself up to her. When Mariah’s fingers dipped into her wet heat, Tessa’s back arched off the bed.

“Ohhhh God, Mariah!” she exclaimed.

“I missed this,” Mariah said to her, voice thick with lust. “I missed feeling you and hearing you.” She continued to rub over Tessa’s clit as she spoke, drawing out moans from the other woman. “God, Tessa,” she breathed. “You are so beautiful.” Mariah took a nipple in her mouth, rolling her tongue around it. As she did so, Tessa bent her other leg, bringing her thigh into direct contact with Mariah’s center. The redhead gasped as she instinctually rocked her hips, wetness spreading across Tessa’s leg.

Tessa took Mariah’s face in hers and looked into her eyes as they moved together. They were both overwhelmed at the depth of what they saw. Tessa was certain that the entire world only consisted of this hotel room at this particular time. Nothing else existed.

“I love you,” she said to Mariah, hips moving as her release drew near. Mariah, feeling her own climax beginning, whimpered as she brought their lips together. They swallowed each other’s moans as they came together, a rush of emotions enveloping them.

Mariah dropped her head to Tessa’s neck, planting lazy kisses there while trying to catch her breath. Tessa wrapped her arms around her, not wanting to let go of the closeness just yet. When Mariah lifted her head to look at her, Tessa blushed as she smiled.

“I don’t want to get out of this bed,” she said.

“I know,” Mariah kissed her briefly. “But the second we do our new life together can start.”

With a smile that could light up the room, Tessa sat up and gently pushed Mariah off of her as she got out of bed. “Let’s get going then!” she said excitedly, walking to the bathroom completely naked. Mariah laughed as she watched her walk away, happy tears stinging at her eyes. She heard Tessa turn the shower on.

“You coming?” the musician yelled. Mariah’s heart rate picked up as she got out of bed. She practically sprinted to the bathroom to join Tessa. Their new life together was waiting for them outside of these hotel walls, but it was fine if they waited a little longer for it to start.

 

 


End file.
